Through cancer, there are cumulative long-term impacts that will continue to change and affect your body, your desire, your intimacy, function, sex, your self-esteem and your identity. The Cancer Council explain some potential impacts here 

The changes can be due to early menopause, erection problems, loss of a body part, pain while having sex, lost or reduced sensation, changes in your mouth, difficulty with orgasming, incontinence or other issues.

Through looking at other resources and talking to people with a lived experience of cancer we noticed a lack of emphasis on the after effects of hospital treatment. Many people are left dealing with life changing impacts and can sometimes find themselves surviving, but not thriving or feeling vitality. Some people will find it difficult to find support for the impacts they are experiencing (see: community support). We heard: 

• Some people might feel ungrateful for struggling with the impacts of their hospital treatment. Or to avoid seeking medical care for these impacts due to medical fatigue. 

• Regardless of how medical systems may define your current status you might find it helpful to refer to yourself as still being in treatment. 

• You might view the ongoing impacts from your treatments as chronic illness or injury.

For some people the impacts will lessen or go away after treatment while others might face long-term changes or new flow-on effects. Across treatment impacts, you might feel shame, wonder if your body is still worthy, be anxious about being seen and feel embarrassed.

Further down, we share some ideas for re-finding intimacy and sexual expression.

It takes time to rebuild a relationship with our bodies and other peoples bodies. It can be scary. The feeling of being a patient can stay with you through and after treatment. As a carer, you might feel stressed about your partner during intimacy or sex.

We know that sex isn’t the only way to show affection and share intimacy. There are many kinds of love and many relationships that are romantic/intimate. 

Here are some things that helped the people involved in creating this resource, to help you find your way:

• Having sex with strangers can be less scary (e.g. saunas, sex parties)

• Exploring what’s changed on your own 

• Talking to your doctor (if you feel safe to) about further treatment e.g. reconstructive surgery, prosthetic devices and/or cosmetic solutions

• Using extra lubrication

• Accessing sex/intimacy support groups, forums and sexological body work for queer bodies

• Using erection aids such as a vacuum pump, constriction ring around the base of your penis, or medicines such as injections. 

• Talk about what’s changed with your partner(s) 

• Using community specific resources 

• Communicating your needs and boundaries (see: the wheel of consent)

• Focusing on other aspects of your intimate/sexual relationship(s) that aren’t sexual

• Finding and using affirming language for your body

• Addressing skin changes (dermatologist can be helpful) 

• Exploring sex with your mind if the body doesn’t allow physical 

• Seeing all organs as sexual/intimate including zones that aren’t typically recognised as “sex organs”

• Tending to grief and loss (read more below)

Grief in cancer can exist outside of facing the end of life or losing a loved one. There can be grief and loss in: 

• the loss of body parts (even if the loss is gender-affirming) read more at the Cancer Council 

• changes to our lifestyle and bodies (see body image and identity) 

• changes to or our ability to work in our chosen profession

• friendships or relationships due to your cancer experience

• there can be a feeling of grief for the person you were before your diagnosis as you realise who you are, now that you are living with cancer, is different.

• Some people might not experience feelings of grief at all. 

Here are some resources: 

[TO BE ADDED]

If there's a resource that helped you, we'd love to hear from you.