Saying “just reach out if you need help” isn’t as helpful as you might think. The person with cancer and/or their carer then has to identify what they need and decide if it’s fair to ask you. That’s a lot of work. 

Instead, offer options and wait to hear what's needed (see example of a text in Figure 1).

Here’s some things that helped the people who worked on this resource: 

• Having someone to sit with you at home or in hospital

• Coming over for a morning or afternoon to hang-out and help with whatever needs doing (e.g. doing dishes, doing a load of washing, gardening, washing your hair after surgery)

• Helping with admin tasks (for example, filling out forms for Centrelink)

• Looking after/walking pets  

• Helping with childcare 

• Setting up a crowdfund

• Sending voice notes

• Making a playlist or movie list 

• Setting up a group chat for support

• Helping you prepare for an appointment 

• Coming to appointments to write things down

• Dropping off meals or heating up/cooking meals in their home

Offer choices. As well as tasks, offer choices of when you can help, instead of leaving suggesting times up to the person with cancer. You might, for example, offer 3 or 4 times you’re available and ask the person to pick what works for them.

Get permission. Sometimes what you think is useful isn't what the person needs (for example, you might want to cook but they might already have 50 lasagnes). So, offer options and wait for a reply before you show up to help in a way that doesn't help (even if your help comes from a place of kindness).

Play to your strengths. Offer help based on the things you're good at, for example, if you're a bad cook don't subject the person to your cooking. Instead, if food is needed you could offer food vouchers, or, something else the person needs, such as doing washing or washing dishes.

Stick to plans. Cancer can be isolating. Having something to look forward to can make a big difference. So, cancelled plans can negatively impact mental health. If you have to cancel, try to reschedule as soon as possible. Don't leave it up to the person with cancer to re-schedule.

Aim for consistency. Life for people with cancer and carer/s can be incredibly turbulent, so having consistent support can greatly impact how they're able to manage.

People having cancer treatment have specific needs when they’re out in the world, that they might not be aware of until they try something. As a friend, consider how the person might feel - body, food and stimulation-wise (is their hearing sensitive? do they need a seat? where is their fatigue at?) Plans might need to change. 

Suggest accessible hangouts. People with cancer or recovering from cancer may not be able to or want to go back to parties, nightclubs and other events. Instead, you might create accessible hang-outs such as:

• having a picnic

• playing games (e.g. board games, video games) 

• having a low-energy dance party

• doing at-home movie night or a drive-in

If you’re not in the same city, you might: 

• all watch the same film or tv then go on zoom to talk about it 

• play an online game together 

• send voice notes 

• send something in the mail, such as a care package

Don't leave it up to the people dealing with cancer to organise a hang-out. You could suggest a few options and leave room for the person to suggest what might work for them.

As time goes on, support is still needed for the person with cancer and their carer(s). 

Even after positive results, the process isn’t over. While the person might look less sick, they may still be in treatment, still have ongoing appointments, be monitoring their symptoms and psychologically dealing with fear and anxiety. So, it helps when people acknowledge that just because the process may change it isn’t over and that their support will remain the same

For people with cancer and carers, there can be a big process after hospital treatment, that is less about fighting the cancer and more about acknowledging what happened and beginning to the shock, grief, loss and changes to a person's lifestyle. See: after hospital treatment. 

Ongoing care can look like: 

• checking-in with a text, call or voice note  

• offering suggestions without making assumptions about what the person needs 

• continuing to show up to offer companionship and help around the house 

• not asking ‘so you/they are okay now?’

Create space for the person to talk about what they’re experiencing without shutting them down, jumping to solutions or offering advice (unless they ask). 

Fear can get in the way of offering care. So, try to:

• Let them know you're there to listen
  “It’s strange when someone doesn’t want to talk about the biggest thing going on in your life.”

• Check what the person needs (for example, someone to listen, someone to offer help/advice/suggestions, something else)

• Be available and around 

• Acknowledge and validate how the person feels 

• Acknowledge when you’re not sure how to help while letting the person know you’re there for them (e.g. “I don’t know exactly what to do or so, but I want you to know I’m listening, I care and I’m going to keep showing up for you.”) 

Catching COVID or other illnesses is still a serious risk for people who are immunocompromised and the people who care for them.

Keep everyone safe by:

• noticing if you're well enough to spend time in person with someone with cancer/their carer

• if you are unwell, checking with the person with cancer/their carer about visiting

• doing a RAT test before visiting in-person

• being transparent about what precautions you've taken so the person doesn't have to ask

• be aware that if you're in big crowds or busy places close to visiting you'll have greater exposure to other illnesses - let the person you’re visiting know and they can decide if they are still comfortable with a visit.

Don't leave it up to the person with cancer to provide tests or masks for you.